How to communicate

Start and Continue a Conversation

Talking with an Alzheimer’s patient can be tricky. Their eyes wander, they sometimes say nonsense, and have a hard time keeping a conversation going. As a kid, it is extremely difficult as you are used to your grandparents asking you all of the questions and with them doing most of the talking. With Alzheimer’s disease, this dynamic will have to change.

Do's and Don'ts

What you should and shouldn't do when talking with your grandparent with Alzheimer's

DO: Eye Contact

DON'T: Remember?

DO: Patience

DON'T: Correct

DO: Humor

DON'T: Quiz

Looking into your grandparents eyes as you talk to them makes them feel safe and comforted.

Making eye contact before you begin talking makes them less likely to become afraid

If looking into their eyes gets boring- try focusing on their nose, eyebrows, or smile

Looking all around the room while talking to them can make them nervous and sometimes even make them afraid of you!

DO: Eye Contact

When talking with a person with Alzheimer’s, patience is key

Sometimes, they won’t respond to you right away. Count to ten in your head before repeating yourself. They probably heard you, their brain just makes it hard for them to respond fast!

If they do not respond, do not ask “did you hear me?” or “what did I say?”. Simply look them in their eyes and repeat yourself

Sometimes your grandparent might say something that is completely different than what you were talking about. Don’t get frustrated or annoyed, find humor in it!

DO: Patience

Instead of becoming frustrated by your grandparent’s lack of cognitive skills, find humor in it!

When you ask them “what's your favorite color?” and they reply “I used to have six chickens”... simply go along with it. Say “what were your chickens like?” instead of saying “that wasn’t what I asked!”. By letting yourself laugh along lets both you and your grandparent feel a sense of ease and comfort.

The hardest thing about Alzheimer’s disease is it can make you forget your loved ones. If they refer to you as their brother, mother, neighbor, or friend, laugh it off and go along with it. I am sure you will be called a new name within a few minutes.

Sometimes it can be helpful to think of your grandparent as someone that is actually a child. Pretending they are around four to ten years old takes the pressure off. You wouldn’t expect a kindergartener to understand everything you say, so don’t put high expectations on an Alzheimer’s patient.

DO: Humor

Alzheimer’s disease causes people to forget major life events

Many times Alzheimer’s patients will ask where their mother, father, or spouse is. Even though they have passed away, do not tell this to your grandparent.

Telling your grandparent that their loved one passed away will make them experience death and grief all over again.

When your grandparent asks “where’s my mother?”, respond saying “she went out for groceries”. Then change the subject by telling them what happened at school yesterday.

Saying things like “you don’t remember?” will cause unnecessary stress for your grandparent and will make them scared. Instead, go along with it and change the subject.

DON'T: Remember?

Correcting your grandparent can make them feel out of control or scared of their own brain

If they refer to you as their sibling, correcting them will make them feel embarrassed, scared, and sad. Instead, go along with it.

Your grandparent will say a lot of things that are not factual. Correcting them every time would be exhausting and a waste of time.

DON'T: Correct

Repeatedly asking your grandparent questions can make them stressed out.

It’s okay if you ask questions like “what was your mom like?”. But asking questions like “who is the president of the U.S.? What is my name? How old are you?” is unnecessary

Odds are, your grandparent will not get these questions right.

Questions about their childhood and not the present day are much more appropriate and relaxing for them